Is it even possible to fix marriage problems by just changing how we think about them? That’s what this shared article and books are about. And right up front: By “turning them into gifts,” I don’t think the writers are saying to use denial or magical thinking to hide our marriage problems under a pretty bow or stuff them in a box in the basement. Chances are good anyway, that we’ve already tried that method. How’d it work?
What I do think they’re exploring is the idea, that while it’s nasty and soul-wrenching when you’re in the thick of it–these things we call marriage problems–are actually what create the conditions for the turnaround. They are catalysts for what you might call “the fix.” Something we can eventually be grateful for… someday… when hell freezes over…
Convince me, you say?
Maybe it’s the same thing as how forest fires are necessary. Or political upheaval. Or reality TV. I mean, how else would we have learned to appreciate Netflix Original Programming? We can look back from the future and see how that awful, awful thing was what actually created the change of heart.
For my author and reader friends: Maybe it’s like when you’re reading a book and only after it all hits the fan, that the character can see what they missed. The foreshadowing was there all along. And maybe these writers are saying is, yeah, you still got to DEAL with this, but maybe it’ll go easier for you in the meantime if you remember (repeat after me): Something good may come of this. Something good may come.
Just consider it, what do you have to lose?
Full disclosure: I don’t even agree with myself on this half the time, even though I wrote two novels which touch on that very thing:
and
If you prefer non-fiction, this book by Ann Bercht does a good job covering the same subject:
A caveat: Like the article mentions, if you even suspect you might be in an abusive relationship, just “changing your perspective” will not help. In that event, the “something good” that may come–could well be the ending of the relationship.
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