What’s Love Got to Do With It?
It seems the majority of my Blog posts revolve around the darker side of men and relationships. I can’t help it… abusive men, and occasionally women, are a plague on humanity. I simply despise them with all of my heart and soul. A person that would willingly subjugate another human at any level, for any reason, is little more than vermin as far as I’m concerned.
Stating that, those who know me personally frequently see a disconnect between my writing (autocorrect says “righting” – HAH!) and my personality. Unlike the Avenging Angel Michael in FBoM, I’m really more like Ewan Mcgregor in the movie Moulin Rouge. I believe in love, kindness, respect and passion. Love makes the world-go-‘round after all.
I grew up devouring Marion Zimmer Bradley’s Darkover series, which is a mix of fantasy and, I now realize, political romance. If you would have asked me when I was fifteen if I read romance novels, I probably would have denied it with my last breath, but in retrospect… ummm… no… not romance… well kinda.
I have Ms. Bradley to thank for my lack of homophobia, my belief that love can take many forms and if you love someone enough, you give them freedom to be themselves and not get too hung up on what you want them to be or do. She was a wizard with words and concepts, and a master storyteller to boot.
So let’s talk about love for the length of a post instead of the darker topics I normally cover. I’m not an expert. I’ve loved, lost, succeeded, lost, and survived just like the vast majority of people in this world, so my degree in life should be worth a little something.
Perhaps it’s best to start with a quote from one of my favorite shows, Sherlock. In his opinion, “I’ve always assumed love is a dangerous disadvantage.” He’s right, you have to be willing to give yourself fully, be vulnerable to getting hurt, rejected or taken advantage of. It happens… but there are other things that happen as well. Good things… supportive and caring things.
Psychology Today has a surprisingly flowery piece on what love is that I’d like to share… mainly because Dr. Anapol has already written the words I would have used, so why cheat you from the opportunity to read what she has to say?
Personally, I’d like to get all airy fairy and say love is the ability and desire to give oneself fully to the other person, body, mind, and soul without reservation or demand. Without ego and without self-interest and to receive the same in return. Love is selfless and love is blind. Trust me when I say that I’m not a bible-guy, but there are some great quotes in that giant book.
There are so many ways to experience, learn, feel, and (re-)build faith in love if that faith has been bruised.
If you have read my novel SMAFU, and you really should, one of the underlying themes is the destruction of a relationship caused by misunderstandings and feelings of abandonment. As a result, the couple went “looking for love in all the wrong places.” Was there a happy resolution by novel’s end? I won’t cheat your enjoyment of reading, but at some point the errrr… umm… promise is involved. You can learn more about that here and here…. And perhaps apply a bit of a fix with a great book by Emily Nagoski called ummm, yeah…. Come As You Are. It’s hard to argue with self-improvement…
For my 700 or so author friends here is a little insight into why romance novels just… work! It isn’t as much fun, nor as entertaining as my book Writing Tips #42, but probably far more useful in the long run.
The point is, love is an essential part of happiness within the human condition. It feeds and nourishes, energizes and invigorates. What you give returns to you multiple times if the person you are with loves you as well. So if you have that certain someone in your life that gives you that, let me give you one more song to get you started . . . 😉
If you prefer to shop for pre-loved books made from real trees, I’m fortunate enough to live not far from Powell’s Books. Now you can shop there too by placing any of the above titles into the search box. Here’s hoping you find what you’re looking for . . .